We asked for your dear IT and electronic computer - ground revenge joke — you answered . You are all a bunch of brilliant bastards .
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Horrible bosses and coworkers get their comeuppance
G. :
I was working for a college bookstall company and we decided to do an Internet startup in the late 90s to buy and deal college books online .
I channelize to the new ship’s company and commence wreak in the new building to produce the substructure we needed . I go to the new building and the guy who had been working at the position was very gallant of himself because he had already placed an order and had a frame - relay circuit installed … a 56k frame - relay . 😉
I straight off place new circuit and more bandwidth , but we had to expect about a month while we were ramping up with new employees to get more cyberspace bandwidth .
While we were waitress , this one douchebag selling guy would come in and scream at me every other mean solar day or so because his fantasy football was too ho-hum .
When the new circuits descend in , before we even installed them , I tracked down the ethernet port in his office to the switch and pace fix his port down to the speed of a very obtuse modem .
I installed the novel bandwidth and everybody was glad . He would come into my office bitching about the slow Internet and I would pick a random electronic computer and show him how fast the Internet circuit were running .
This repel the dude crank and he would get me to go into his agency and make me watch how slow it was and I would say … . “ It must be your laptop . You postulate to pass over that thing and start again . ”
He lost all his data because he could n’t restore his substitute . I left him like that for calendar month and never let him have any stand-in until he got demoted and locomote to a raw office .
I did n’t rag pace restrict his fresh switching port , but I did transfer the charge per unit fix on the old port before some unacquainted bozo got stuck with it .
A. :
I worked afternoon work shift at a print store and on top of running game printers I also deal IT if any issues come up after 5 . One of the 4 remaining prole at nighttime frequently take me to “ fix his internet . ”
He ’d constantly be infected with some kind of virus or spyware and had popups all the metre . I ’d clean them out , and a distich of month after it ’d happen again . Eventually I decided to check his history . It was chock full of good previous fashioned bestiality porn . Whatever , I do n’t judge . But I told him to tap it off because whatever he was download or looking at was screw his figurer up .
He ignored my warning . One day he leave out work , and I simply screencapped the front Sir Frederick Handley Page of his most recent site ( featuring horse dick ) and made that his background scope . I pretended to toy dumb the next day by click the fake hug drug clitoris to no avail . We sent for the regular daylight IT guy ( whose shift overlapped mine ) , which reverse into a middling mortifying experience when the handler was informed .
He drop out a yoke months subsequently , mostly because any time he come out of the privy the tribe at work would nicker in his counseling .
Q. :
I puzzle out in IT for one of the expectant investment bank in the earthly concern . I worked on a very small-scale squad with 1 to 2 other citizenry . We helped the traders in NYC at the stock interchange . As in the guys on the actual trading floor . They way that things ferment there , I had complete power , and could do everything outback . I could do anything I need to any personal system I wanted . And I was remote from most of the masses
We had this guy rope that was a real painfulness the ass . He was a real jerk to the IT faculty . I always seemed to talk to this guy whenever anything went wrong . I hate deal with him because he acted like the most important person in the mankind . He made the house A LOT of money , but he was still a vast douche .
One day he call me up saying that he was having a problem with one of his UNIX systems that we used for trailing trade . I immediately , like the undecomposed little striver dog , situate the issue that he was having . But in addition to palm this issue , I ran a quick script that would pop up 2 orb every approx . 10 bit and they would sit for about 30 seconds and keep up the black eye around . So he would call me up , report the problem , but I would n’t find an issue when I checked it out . It drove him nuts for a long clock time , until someone else had the problem and I did have to bump off it .
I thought my fun was over .
We have a specific way of deal employees desktops . They are practical machines that are all based in a information center that could be in several positioning throughout the US . There were no desktop personal computer ’s . There were micro systems that would let a person to log into their virtual machine to get their study done .
So this bozo started having problems again with his background . Any little flyspeck issue , I would get a call . I was not employ to cater to this one arse every need . One daytime , in a paroxysm of rage , I decided to do something else to him .
Since I had access to every file , every folder and literally every piece of data point on this bozo VM , I did the best thing I could think of . I loaded his screen background full of 2000 image files of My Little Ponies . I spend most of my employment day happen several range , copied them over and over again and put them on his screen background .
To say he blew a crackpot is an understatement . I get a very frightened call from him that he had a virus . He was not sure where this image came from . I very kindly removed them from his screen background , went to dejeuner , and put them right back . Again , a call from him . He is swearing that he has a computer virus . This time , I have him on speaker so the others that make out what I am doing can get word . As he rages and aver that he does not roll in the hay where this virus come from , we are all snickering in virginal entertainment .
I continued to do this off and on over several Day , until he contacts my manager who image out what was going on . evidently I underpay the whole affair and say that something was incorrect with this VM . That I would cancel the files and they would be somehow restore . My boss knows I am spilling everlasting fuzz , but blend in along with it .
He report back to the substance abuser that we had found the stem cause and that this should not be materialise again .
Hapless coworkers should learn to befriend IT
M. :
Back in the day of the Amigas I work for a retailer and we used to get a lot of mail and phone orders ( before this newfangled Internet thing ) . It was the line of work of two guys to transpose scrabble notes and letters to orders in the scheme .
Our prank demonstrate that touch type employment muscle memory but that visually sighting the keys overrides that muscle memory without raising warning machine bells .
Workbench ( the Amiga OS ) come with a cock to customise your key map . So one day while one of the hombre was out to lunch we popped the I and oxygen key off his keyboard and swapped them .
Then we fired up the keymap tool and switched them there too . When he come back to work he ’d be blithely touch typing away until he got to an I or O and of course it ’d be wrong . So he ’d backspace and try again with the same termination .
Then he backspace , depend down at the keyboard , typed the letter he require , face at the screen and it was right . So he went back to touch typing . Until the next I or O. It film him over half an hr to mould out what we ’d done , by which clock time he was ready to impede his keyboard through the screen . pernicious but oh so efficacious .
dbxwanderer :
Who can deny that calculator caper are the most effective to directly access someone ’s thwarting zone ?
One of my favourite include take in a child’s play - shot of the users background . typeset it as a backcloth .
Then “ hide ” the desktop icon .
The next thing would be to change the black eye configurations to trade left click and ripe click .
Out of all my victims , my dependable track record was a scream of thwarting in about 4 seconds .
Virtually all of them started slamming their mouses .
One someone turned the admonisher off and on again .
My desk sits across from my coworker ’s , and we ’re confront each other . I plugged a wireless mouse receiver into her data processor and then shoved the mouse under my keyboard ( we use the ergonomic I with the big bulge in the middle — patently it ’s just the right size ) .
The result was that , for a week , every time I reposition my keyboard to do some paperwork ( which was often ) , I got to determine her aggravation build . I also got our i.t . department in on it , who would call for her things like “ Did you eat a breakfast with a lot of smoothing iron ? That might be get thing like this ” when she would call them for help .
LOLOLOL
Herr Walross Bart :
I used to supervise a help desk , where one of the employee was less that proficient . We call him King of Password Resets , as that was all he did .
One daytime we create a simple batch file that open up up Word when he logged in , when word was come together it opened a new one . It would do this 400 times , he was so not technical he shrug and solved the job by never close Word .
We later also used a simple Auto Hotkey playscript to replace “ I ” with his name so all his e - ring armor and tickets had him speak in third soul . He also ended his eastward - mail ’s with “ thanks very much ” which we alter to “ Thanksarooni ” . He got so upset and did n’t know what to do he step up to an IT manager to get everyone to stop pranking him .
He still never figured out the Word affair .
The One With The Happy Ending:
goingincirclez :
I used to knead systems support for a mid - size physical rehab infirmary . The IS Dept boss was a gigantic , self - taught man named Bob who , while just , could be gruff at times . He was also the lead couturier and coder for the integrality of the hospital ’s information management system of rules , home - brew to fit its unique needs for intake , track record , HR , charge , housework , etc … so he ’d well - take in a rep as a kind of savant as well . He could be tricky to read , so you always play it safe .
One daylight while run a tag over the phone I idly deplumate at the keys on my keyboard , and realized that despite their well - fastened “ lasting ” meeting place , they could indeed be flawlessly removed and rearranged , with drive – kind of like an old IBM Model M , but nowhere near as obvious .
I decide this could help stop my foul sight - typing habit , so I remove all the Florida key and rearranged them katty - corner / rearwards ( “ q ” to “ m ” , “ p ” to “ z ” , “ 0 ” to “ 9 ” and so on ) . Yay , productive boredom !
A couple week later , we released a system update and invigorated Modern bugs , some of which were proving tricky to catch live . Bob was pretty punctuate about it and we were all keep a safe length . Eventually I was facilitate a nurse on the earphone when one of the baffling bugs finally emerged – even better , Bob just so happened to be walk by at the time . I quickly flag him over to watch the removed session on my screenland … after a few moments he briskly gesticulate for me to get up and let him drive .
He sits down at my workstation and start to typecast … interruption , glances down at the keyboard and grunts , types some more … stops , spotlight at the keyboard for a moment , picks it up , turns it 180 degrees and sets it down … begin to typecast again … stops , looks … then crosses his arm in seemingly rare discombobulation as he consider alphabetic character which were ( mostly ) back where they should be but now upside down ? … then turns to me stone confront with arms still crossed .
I was panic and trying to stifle a smiling while mentally fix to be fired . Bob simply state with an zephyr of separated bemusement : “ I do n’t think it ’s the problem , but get a new damn keyboard … I will front at this from my bureau . ” Then grin as he got up … I think he was laughing at himself for falling prey to that one , accidentally , and when he should have “ known better ” . We had that unearthly sort of unspoken bond over an in - joke for a while after that .
I kept that keyboard hidden and present it to him when he retired a couple years afterward , which made him express mirth .
Next time , we want to hear about the most terrible technical school supporting calls you ’ve fielded . Can you top commenterSprzout ’s experienceof speak to a caller who insisted they were a cyborg in need of wetware connectivity help ?
“ It ’s Not My Job to plug away thing In , ” and Other Nightmare IT Stories
We sleep with you ’re full of stories of unearthly , wacky and terrific outcry from bionic woman and otherwise . distinguish me all your secrets:[email protected ]
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