The Victorian epoch could be a frustrating clip to be immature and in making love , since the stiff constraints of societal normal often entail that your every move was check into by a chaperone . Polite conversation about the weather can only get you so far , so many vernal ( and not - so - young ) lovers came up with ingenious ways to pursue their sexual love affairs . If you ’re looking for a way to spice up up your own romance , you might take a cue from these 19th 100 sweethearts — just ensure the object of your admiration has the same etiquette guide .
1. WRITE A POLITE LETTER …
The Victorians were avid letter - writer , with some areas of London having the mail service delivered up toseven times a mean solar day , meaning that a distinction could be pen , mailed , and have within the space of a few minute . A letter could be the unadulterated elbow room of near the objective of your desire , but the vagaries of Victorian manner often made the correct advance hard to dominate . As a solution , legion manual were publish that furnish template letters for first - time pressman . Thefollowing examplefromThe New Letter Writer for Loversis a template for a man seeking to instigate a suit after having met a fair sex only once :
The book also offered templates for a woman to respond , whether it was encouragingly or not . Those wish to cease such dalliance could respond as travel along :
2. … BUT BE CAREFUL WHERE YOU PUT THE STAMP.
It was sometimes difficult for nineteenth century buff to keep their letter individual , as notes could be read aloud for the amusement of the whole family . To bypass this , some reportedly get to use the positioning of the mold on the gasbag to reveal a secret subject matter . The precise meaning of the various positionings likely deviate between twain , and it ’s not entirely clear to what extent the system was used , but over time a issue of writers attempted to codify the scheme . Onesuch examplereveals the following meaning :
finally , postal administrator rule that stamps had to be placed in the upper right corner of envelopes — thus destroy the organisation .
3. USE A FAN …
Dances and ball were a well opportunity for young lovers to meet , delight some cultured tab - schmooze and a chaste dance or two . But this grave elan of romanticism was n’t everyone ’s predilection , and certain young women reportedly began using their fans to beam a rather racier message to their beaus . A number of nineteenth - century fan makers were quick to produce pamphlets detail a " buff computer code " and advertising their lover at the same time , although the idea of a full - fledged fan semaphore was believably moreadvertising gimmickthan world . One such example was sumptuosity Parisian fan makerJean - Pierre Duvelleroy , who outlined the accompany import :
4. … OR A HANDKERCHIEF.
Fans were not the only accessory purportedly utilize in the quest for erotic love ; the handkerchief was also rumored as a dim-witted way to charge a content across a crowded way . In hismarvelous tomeThe Mystery of Love , Courtship and Marriage Explained(1890 ) , Henry J. Wehman provided a crib sheet for handkerchief flirters :
5. SAY IT WITH FLOWERS.
Perhaps the most famous method of dally among the Victorians was the language of flowers . A number of guides were published detail the complexness of the computer code , in which each bloom held a meaning , and even the colour of the ribbon they were tied with and the angle at which they were turn over over could hold significance . The Etiquette of Flowers(1852 ) offered thisbafflingly complexpiece of advice : “ If the flower , or plant , is intended to be preceded by the pronoun I , it must be demo in a position run towards the odd hand . If it is to express thee or you it should incline to the right . ”
Many of the meanings derived from traditional English folklore , but some of the more exotic items were give formulate significance by the inventive Victorian etiquette writer . accord toThe Etiquette of Flowers , a red pink wine intend “ beauty , ” a striped gillyflower “ refusal , " a icteric sword lily “ passion , ” and , charmingly , the gift of a Ananas comosus mean “ keep your hope . "
6. SLIP THEM YOUR CARD.
Flirtation cards , sometimes called escort or acquaintance cards , were cheeky slip of pre - printed paper used byAmerican singlesin the previous Victorian era to break away the ice . They could be direct ( " I very much desire to make your acquaintance " ) , abridge ( “ May I. C. U. Home ? ” ) , and evenslightly scandalous(“Not Married and Out for A Good Time ” ) . They were often company byillustrationsthat sometimes spelled out part of the message in rebus codification . Most were light - hearted , and parodied the etiquette around the more formal calling cards Victorians used to premise themselves , harbinger a visit , express condolences , or notice that they had assay to visit someone while they were out . The notice were also another fantabulous way to avoid chaperon , since an interested party could slue one to their intend relatively discreetly , and the latter could then hide it behind a baseball mitt or fan .
7. IF ALL ELSE FAILS, TRY THE CLASSIFIED ADS.
These trace of illicit function and disordered hearts are especially poignant since we often do n’t jazz how the story ended ; we have no way of knowing if “ Kitten ” or any other receiver ever read the messages or react . However , the public nature of these cypher messages suggests a layer of desperation , and perhaps a last - ditch attack to rekindle a become flat flame , such as in this heartfelt supplication : “ ALWAYS AT ELEVEN : Dearest , I have obeyed your letter . Have mercy , you are breaking my heart . Never to see you , never listen — save to offer me ‘ not come . ’ For God ’s sake heartfelt love , finish this one means or the other . I can not , can not bear it . You are too cruel . ”
