Nearing Valentine ’s 24-hour interval , we enlisted our favorite beloved doctor , Debby Herbenick , to share advice on romance in the age of broadband wireless 24/7 interconnection . The first doubtfulness : With a potential love sake , when do you friend or follow ?
Most immature - ish Facebookers ( specially those who remember the .edu sidereal day ) have so many Facebook friends that one more — specially someone they ’ve maybe made out with — is no big deal . If we can be Facebook friends with our ex-wife ( and research intimate that about 80 % are ) , then we can certainly touch out to a potential future ex-wife date .
Chances are , if you ’re dating , you ’re already Facebook Friend . If you ’re not , then sending a ally postulation within one to three dates is perfectly satisfactory . We all know you ’re google each other anyway , so why hazard that you ’re anything but singular ? Plus , if they do n’t want you to access certain role of their page they can always put you on limited visibility ( which is altogether my MO ) .
If charge a admirer request cold feel desperate or prowler - ish , utilise your next date or IM as an opportunity to fetch it up . For example , secernate her or him a report about something amazing you did , and that you post the pics on Facebook . “ expect , we ’re not Facebook friends ? ” you say ( feign shock and disarray ) . “ Oh ” , you extend , “ allow me supply you so you could see the pictures . ” How wonderful of you ! And sneaky , too .
Twitter is a little easier , since most the great unwashed have public Twitter pages . you could “ stalk ” your new date in public until you feel quick to officially follow . If theirs is a secret Twitter feed , wait until they ’ve introduce you to a few friends or Colorado - workers before you ask to keep abreast , lest you force an early ( and unenviable ) Accept / Reject forking in the road to Latinian language .
That said , just because it ’s socially satisfactory to become Facebook Quaker early on on does n’t mean that you should . If you ’re prone to jealousy , please step away from the “ Add As a Friend ” clit until you feel more untroubled in the relationship . Why ? Because inquiry bear witness that Facebook can be bad for your heart .
It ’s perfectly placed for all sorts of ambiguity : Who ’s that shirtless - profile - project guy who keeps writing on her wall ? Who post her the “ private ” intimate apparel Facebook gift ? How come he ’s still Farmville neighbors with his ex-wife ? And it goes on and on . Facebook has the potentiality to exposit our scope of amorous and intimate possible action , but it can also mess up with our head and our hearts . Then again , you often have to go out on a tree branch — even just a little — in the pursuit of dear .
Read more ofDr . Debby ’s love advice hereduring Gizmodo ’s Bad Valentine solemnisation .
Debby Herbenick , PhD is a Research Scientist and Associate Director ofThe Center for Sexual Health Promotionat Indiana University , a sexual health educator atThe Kinsey Instituteand author ofBecause It Feels Good : A Woman ’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction . She blog atMySexProfessor.com .
Facebook friends image byDan Taylor / Flickrunder CC license
uncollectible Valentineis our own special take on the beauty — and nuisance value — of flake sexual love .
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