Jonah Hex is the latest Weird Western blockbusterto be absolutely FUBAR . What filmmakers do n’t understand is that Weird Westerns do n’t require giant robo - spiders or CG fireworks , the circumstance — the endless frontier — does all the work for you .
https://gizmodo.com/jonah-hex-will-make-you-want-to-burn-your-face-with-a-5566666
NOTE : This post contain spoilers for Jonah Hex , but I ’m pretty sure you do n’t care .
In theory , Hollywood should only be making Weird Westerns . cattleman + aliens + ghosts + steampunk blunderbusses + shake off a big bagful of money at Ennio Morricone = everyone in the studio apartment parking garage take new Lamborghinis . But the realism of Weird Westerns is much more nettlesome . Hollywood has made only two marquise Weird Westerns in the last 20 years — Wild Wild West and Jonah Hex ( Uwe Boll ’s BloodRayne II does n’t count ) — and watching either of these films is on par with a firewater clyster .
( Heck , even television ca n’t sustain good Weird Westerns . 1993 ’s round the bend The Adventures of Brisco County Jr. air out for only one season , and 2002 ’s fire beetle — a space epos which embraced loads of westerly motifs — was more or less consigned to Boot Hill right from the start . )
The matter is , there ’s no reason Hollywood should turn its nozzle up at Weird Westerns , since the genre has the potential to be one of the most megahit - well-disposed around . Also , whenever a studio apartment moil out a Weird Western , they totally ignore the awesome chance for tension , exhilaration , and atmosphere the frontier musical genre affords films .
Let ’s take a facial expression at the unpinned shit grenade that was 1999 ’s Wild Wild West . What do most people think about that film ?
1 . ) That giant mechanical spider .
2 . ) Kenneth Branagh , a critically acclaimed worker , vamp in a wigging .
3 . ) Salma Hayek in a bustier .
4.)Sisqo .
Similarly , what ’s most memorable about Jonah Hex ?
1 . ) That giant mechanically skillful dragonball cannon .
2 . ) John Malkovich , a critically acclaimed actor , vamping in a wigging .
3 . ) Megan Fox in a bustier
4 . ) The noted lack of Sisqo on the soundtrack . ( NOTE : I actualise that Mastodon scored Jonah Hex , but my metal expertise begins and ends with Judas Priest’s“Turbolover . ” )
Barring Josh Brolin ’s gamely grimacing , there is n’t a lot to recommend about Jonah Hex . But what kills me is that — 11 years afterward — the film manages to screw up in the precise same ways as Wild Wild West . Rather than apply the isolation and starkness of the frontier for action sequences , both films overload the screen with needless explosions and lumber CG existence . All of this deflect digital impurity is a pity , as Weird Westerns amount ready - made with an awesome cyclorama that complement scientific discipline fiction — the huge frontier .
I ’m sorry to say it ring , but credibly none of us will ever make it to outer space . So while we can treasure and cover the black , eternal vacuum of space depicted in Alien or Sunshine , we have no centripetal chassis of reference . sure enough , we can understand the claustrophobia of working in a strangle starship , but 99.999 % of audience members have no firsthand experience spacewalking . ( I presume Buzz Aldrin revel even the most loathsome distance movies . He ’ll walk out of Space Chimps , slyly grinning and reminisce , “ Ah , that brings me back . ” )
Weird Westerns bridge that phenomenological gap . I ’m guessing the median American film - goer has — at one point — either visited the rural West , a large field , or at least an empty parking good deal . It ’s natural to palpate a smidge agoraphobic in these situations — in the darkness , your head play tricks on you . Multiply that agoraphobia by a thousand and you have the Old West — in the dark , your mind builds intact cyclopean empires ; there ’s something out there , but chances are it does n’t like about the laws which set about and end with your wagon train . closing off , unknown acculturation , the space — what ’s more space odyssey than that ?
The best Weird Westerns grant the sprawling frontier to organically give up its mystery . Let ’s take a look at moving-picture show in which Hollywood did thing right .
In 1973 ’s High Plains Drifter , the Stranger roll into the town of Lago , appoint the township dwarf as sheriff , literally paint the townspeople red , and renames Lago “ Hell . ” Despite the fact that the Stranger ’s insane / some sort of supernatural presence , the craven townspeople take him to protect them from marauding brigand . It ’s a marvelous , totally crashing bizarre movie . In High Plains Drifter , the frontier slowly unleash the weirdness and highlight how slight the obscure townspeople ’s signified of civilization is . The audience is n’t force - fertilize a elephantine mecha Clint Eastwood .
Plus , it helps that Dee Barton ’s theme is haunt , synthesized shriek . Here ’s the preview :
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1almB9zxX4
likewise , 1999 ’s Ravenous was n’t perfect , but it had atmosphere to spare . The film pop the question us a glimpse of Old West cannibalism before invite the audience to a authentic Donner Party . Also , the underrated score by Damon Albarn and Michael Nyman does admiration for the ambience .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ap0AEQTuK28
Finally , there are two large advanced - day westerly vampire flicks , Kathryn Bigelow ’s Near Dark ( 1987 ) and Robert Rodriguez ’s From Dusk Til Dawn ( 1996 ) . Both films use the vastness of the West to obscure the existence of vampires — when the vamps make their comportment known , it ’s jarring . Also , Near Dark hadan excellent scoreby Tangerine Dream . Are you check a trend ?
I was n’t certain what cartridge clip to include here , so I defaulted to Salma . It ’s what I do when I ’m under atmospheric pressure .
https://gizmodo.com/earn-your-masters-degree-in-vampire-literature-5511030
Of course , none of the above photographic film broke box office record , but then again , neither did Wild Wild West ( and Jonah Hex is n’t poised to win anyone Christmas bonuses ) . The next big Weird Western get along up is Jon Favreau ’s Cowboys and Aliens in 2011 . I hope that this flick break Hollywood ’s eldritch Western crap streak , but the moment I see a cyborg rodeo merry andrew commandeered by Jeremy Irons , I ’m resist to drink the sarsaparilla .
UPDATE 6/20 : enceinte ups toChalkSharkandvrey_oneidafor aim out that I had dominate the 1969 Harryhausen classic The Valley of Gwangi . Allosaurus vs. cowherd = cinema .
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